


Facade

by MsJody13



Series: Convoluted: A Spideypool Collection [1]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, spideypool - Fandom
Genre: First Meetings, Gen, Humor, Language!, M/M, Pre-Slash, at least I think it's funny, author is a recluse and sleep-deprived, school owns me, what am i even doing?, you may not...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 19:39:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12306315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsJody13/pseuds/MsJody13
Summary: A first meeting of sorts.





	Facade

**Author's Note:**

> It's been forever since I've written because school owns me. 
> 
> Deadpool refers to Spider-Man as "kid" in this, but that has nothing to do with Peter's age and everything to do with Wade being kind of a butt. There's a little detail in the plot that really only works with an adult-aged Peter Parker.

Spider-Man descended slowly, the wetness of the brick seeping into the fabric of his gloves. His movement became even more measured and deliberate as he crawled silently toward NYC's newest masked resident, Deadpool. What the mercenary was doing in the Big Apple remained a total mystery, as did his whereabouts for the past five years. All the usual underground information channels were unusually (suspiciously) quiet on both subjects. Peter had been keeping close tabs on Deadpool for nearly a month now but had not witnessed the man do anything remotely shady. However, tonight there was something off about Deadpool. Something which caused a lazy buzzing of Peter's spider-sense at the base of his skull.  

Unfortunately for the vigilante the recent rain had done little to abate the alley stench. The acrid smell of urine and trash caused Peter's throat to constrict. He swallowed thickly, willing his hyper-sensitive olfactories into submission. That one action, however, got him made. Below him the mercenary's shoulders tensed ever so slightly, nearly unperceivable in the dark.  

"Whatever you think you know about me, well, you're wrong," Deadpool growled. "If you had an actual fucking clue you sure as shit wouldn't be following me around." The assassin slowly drew is katana, the sound as they slid from their sheaths cold and deadly. In a series of fluid, powerful movements he swung the blades in broad, controlled strokes, cutting the air with audible sharpness. Pristine metal reflected light cast from a bulb hanging above a nondescript door in a mesmerizing cadence as Deadpool spun and slashed. He tossed the blades high into the air, flipped backwards with a kick, then landed gracefully without a sound. He caught the swords by the hilt and locking white lenses with Spider-Man, took a menacing step forward and crouched, ready to strike.  

The nondescript door opened with a scrape of metal on concrete and the screech of rusty hinges. With a flourishing twirl Deadpool swiftly sheathed his katana and addressed the old woman in the entry wearing a dirty apron and a formidable frown, "Oh thank god it's ready. I was getting hangry."

She looked him up and down, "Tch. You know we close. You still call!" She shoved two large paper bags at the mercenary and swore in Mandarin. Repeatedly. Deadpool was now speaking in Mandarin as well, sounding very much like he was groveling, and pushed a fairly large wad of bills into her hand. The amount seemed satisfactory to the irritated proprietor as the cursing tapered off.  The door slammed loudly behind her as she retreated into the building. The grimy bulb above the door began to flicker.  

Deadpool turned quickly and tossed one of the bags up to Peter, "Catch, web-head." Peter caught the bag with ease, though for a moment he contemplated throwing it back in retaliation for the nick name. Maybe he'd use a bit of super strength too just for good measure. However, the mercenary interrupted that line of thought. "It has extra garlic and gaaag, extra broccoli. Just the way you always get it from that place over on 14th you hit after patrol. Because even though you suck at tailing someone I, on the other hand, am very, very good at it. So keep your nose out of my vaca, Spidey, or I may decide to do some snooping of my own." 

Peter was speechless and truthfully more than a little horrified. Deadpool began a bouncy walk out of the alley. He spoke loudly over his shoulder, "You should try talking instead of stalking, kid. Rumor has it I can't stop once I get started." The assassin cackled and snorted his way to the street.  

"The fuck?" Peter whispered. Then, against his better judgment, he climbed to the roof to eat.  

   
 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
